She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
