Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
