its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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