Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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