i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have fence marks all over my body
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
