I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
