He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
