Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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