i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
