I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
