Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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