i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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