i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
