Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He has the fingertips of a God
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