someone get that fucking seahorse.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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