im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
