everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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