Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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