i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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