I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize