Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
