guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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