you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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