dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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