I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then my night got REAL pukey
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize