Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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