Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
