So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
