hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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