is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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