You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
