You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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