we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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