That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
