"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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