I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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