dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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