I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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