i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
