First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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