I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
