He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize