Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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