You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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