On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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