i just had sex bonerless
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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