I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just threw up on my dentist
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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