I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
