I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
