yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
