you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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