Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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