he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
