listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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