you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
