i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
