i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
