He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
