do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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