I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
