my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
