i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
