oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to cum in my sink.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize