I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
