textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize