I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
