i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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