the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
