My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
